


I Didn't Deserve This

by Toxic_Trash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Biting, Blood and Gore, Choking, Force Choking, Gore, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M, NSFW, Please Don't Hate Me, Smut, death of a major character, i like angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:23:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13699689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toxic_Trash/pseuds/Toxic_Trash
Summary: Why did it have to be you?I could have walked away. I could have pretended you never existed. I could have done so many things that day. But instead I chose to fall in love with you. I didn’t want to.Hux thought he had locked away all emotions. He thought love was what got people killed. Turns out he was right.





	I Didn't Deserve This

_Hanahaki Disease_ _(_ _花吐き病_ _(Japanese);_ _하나하키병_ _(Korean);_ _花吐病_ _(Chinese))_

_A_ _disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from_ [ _one-sided love_ ](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Pining) _._

_It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies._

_It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear._

 

 

**_Why did it have to be you?_ **

 

_I could have walked away. I could have pretended you never existed. I could have done so many things that day. But instead I chose to fall in love with you. I didn’t want to._

Snoke had decided to move him onto the Finalizer, a massive First Order ship, run by one Armitage Hux. Kylo had seen the ginger in passing, usually bossing people around or talking the chrome armored stormtrooper. Not that it mattered to Kylo, he was far too busy trying to find his old master and uncle, Luke Skywalker. But he only noticed Hux when the general began to get in his way. Like when he disobeyed an order from Kylo, or just in general argued with him. Kylo could see that Hux didn’t like being told what to do, and that only made Kylo more eager to bother him. But the ginger general seemed to bask in the glory of Kylo being called out by Snoke. 

“Kylo. Is there something you need?” A clipped voice brought Kylo out of his trance and he stared at Hux, who looked like he had walked in something disgusting.

“No.” Kylo said, his voice modified through the helmet he wore.

“Then would you mind moving off the deck? You’re honestly an eyesore, and I have work to do.” Hux snipped at him before turning to face out the window with his hands clasped behind his back. Kylo glared at the general, even though Hux couldn’t see. But at times, Kylo liked to think that Hux could feel his gaze. Kylo walked off the bridge and to his room, silently sending a message to Hux through the Force. He could feel the young general give an order to his lieutenant before following Kylo. Hux had paused outside Kylo’s door for a couple of seconds before it opened up, and he was pulled inside swiftly. Clothes were pulled off quickly, lips smashed together in anger and rough hate, Kylo shoving his tongue down Huxs’ throat.

 

 

Hux sat in the bed, the black sheets pooling around his waist and a cigarette in his hand. He ran his other hand through his hair, attempting to brush back the strands that fell in his face. He felt a shift next to him, and looked at the man sleeping next to him. Kylo looked at peace while he slept, which was different from his usual look. Glancing outside the window, he watched as some TIE fighters took off and other ships cruised near the Finalizer. Hux got up, and walked to the window as the sheets fell off his waist and to the floor. He rested his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes.

_Don’t get too involved. You have an agenda. This is nothing._

Hux slowly opened his eyes as these thoughts swirled around in his head. He was playing a dangerous game, fucking and being fucked by Snokes guard dog. But he took a small thrill in it. It meant that Snoke didn’t always have control over Hux’s life and ideas. A shift from behind him brought Hux back, and he felt warm and strong arms wrap around him. A small pain bloomed in his chest at this, but Hux didn’t do anything. Kylo would forget about this. He never remembered when he was gentle. He would just remember the rough and angry sex they had. So Hux basked in this moment, the one moment he felt like Kylo actually cared about him and he owned Kylo. But that moment was over when Kylo turned around and walked back over to the bed, crawling back under the sheets, and falling right back asleep. Hux sighed softly, realizing that Kylo would wake up later and he wouldn’t be happy to see that Hux had stayed. The first (and last) time Hux stayed and waited for Kylo to wake up, Kylo had force chocked him. Hux quickly learned to leave right when he woke up. He walked back over to where his clothes had been strewn around, and carefully dressed himself. He gave one glance back to Kylo before opening the door and walking out. No one but the troopers where out, and they were expressly forbidden to go down this hallway, Hux’s orders. Hux had just walked back into his room when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. It was there only a second before he started coughing.

_Damn it Mitaka. If you got me sick, I swear I will relive you of duty._ Hux thought as he continued coughing. He expected it to go away, but it only seemed to get worse. Hux put a hand up to his mouth as he felt a wetness building up in the back of his throat. He coughed once more, then looked at his hand.

_no_

_No_

**_No_ **

**_NO_ **

Hux stared in horror as his pale hand was stained in blood, and on the palm, almost taunting him, were two black flower petals with red dying the bottom. His knees gave out and he sank to the floor.

**_This isn’t possible. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why the hell did this happen? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!?_ **

Hux just stared at the petals, not moving an inch. He thought he had trained himself not to feel anything for anyone. That nothing other than neutral emotions would ever exist in his body.

_Why did I have to get close? Why couldn’t I stay away?_

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear his door open and close. There was a soft clunk of a metal helmet, and a women in chrome armor and blonde hair shifted into his view. Hux looked up to see his most trusted friend and bestest ally Phasma staring back at him. No words passed between them, just a silent understanding. She grabbed him by the arms and gently rose up, pulling him up with her. She lead him to the fresher, where she washed off the blood on his hands and rubbed smooth circles on his back as he continued to cough more, hacking up more blood and petals. Hux could feel her eyes questioning him, wondering what he would do next.

“Are you going to tell him?” She asked, already knowing who the petals were meant for. Hux stilled for a second, then shook his head side to side. He braced himself for the next question he knew she was going to ask.

“What are you going to do then?”

Hux said nothing for a moment, then quietly spoke. “I’ll get it removed, but not yet. Snoke needs to be removed from his place of power before I can even think of getting this removed.” Phasma huffed softly

“Always thinking about work huh?” She asked with a small smile on her lips. Hux looked at her before leaning over the toilet again to cough once more.

“I’ll deal with this. I have to make sure no one, especially Kylo, can know about this.” Hux said as he grabbed a towel and wiped off his bloody lip. Phasma only nodded before helping him stand again.

“I trust you.”

 

 

Kylo could sense something was off. He couldn’t place it, but ever since he talked to the girl, something felt off. He could feel a connection to her, but he couldn’t explain it. And Hux was acting weird as well. Normally Hux would have something to say if Kylo destroyed something in his precious Starkiller base, but Hux had been uncharacteristically quiet. Especially after he heard Snoke telling Kylo to try to “connect” with the girl. But before he could question it, everything went wrong and Starkiller was on the verge of self-destruction. He laid in the snow, frozen in shock as he came to realize he had been beaten. He could feel blood dripping down his face and sides, but didn’t make any move to stop the bleeding. He only moved when he heard a ship land and boots crunching in the snow, walking towards him. Kylo’s vision was hazy, but he could still see the bright shock of ginger hair against the dark background, and could feel the general’s muscles straining to lift him. Kylo said nothing as Hux dragged him back to the ship that landed nearby. A medical droid began attending to his wounds, but still Kylo laid in silence. It was only broken when Hux rose from the seat he was sitting on to go to the front of the small ship.

“Where are you going?” Kylo asked, confused.

“To make sure the pilots take us to the Finalizer.” Hux answered swiftly, and moved to continue his path, but stopped when he felt a tug on his greatcoat. He turned around, about to yell at Kylo, but saw that the force wielder had fallen asleep, the adrenaline leaving his body. Hux could only stare before a pain erupted into his chest and he swept out of the small medical room.

“Hurry up and get to the Finalizer” He shouted into the intercom in the fresher. He felt the ship slowly go into warp speed and looked out at the planet that was supposed to be his ultimate weapon, die right in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!! I hope you enjoy the angst I gave you, and if I didn't I hope you enjoyed the story anyways! Kudos are appreciated.


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